big dreams little dreams

10/17/11

2011-10-17T17:52:00.000-07:00

(nap) i was in a room wth tara and allison and a bunch of people and they were talking about only bringing sleeping bags to this outdoor festival where marijuana is present. they were saying how it would causethem to find other artistic outlets-whatever is available. or maybe i thought it in my dream? i was thinking about how id want to bring my camera but then i was like no youd justy have to internalize memories and howe id want to bring ba sketch pad or something but iwas like no its important to try new things. then we were watching tv or something? there was a close upof a guy and a girl at the end of some bleachers with a bunch of people and it zoomed in on the guy puting out a roach on the seat but then one was burning and the camera stayed on it forever and i was all like thanks for the close up so we could watch it burn drr. then there was an announcer voce talking about bubbles and we saw a tray full of goodies and products and there was a tny pretty little marijuana lant with leaves and roots and the pretty girl carrying the tray was holding it in between fer pointer and thumb so no one would snatch it and there must have been edible weed bubbles or something?

two nights ago i had a dream that i was hugging dux. i hugged him and let all my weight fall onto him, but he pointed out that i was still holding on to something with one of my hands to hold myself up and i wasn't completely relaxed. there was another part where i was taking some sort of driving test and there were a whole bunch of pencils some said st elizabeth on them and i was going to take one, or maybe a pen or something. another part lauren was driving a bunch of people in a car.

three nights ago part of my dream was at christ, it was tyler moores wedding or something and his girlfriend was on her period so instead of sitting around with nothing to do on their honeymoon they had a bunch of people to hang out. we were all sitting on top of this 2nd ceiling that was hanging down from the real celing? or maybe it was the ceiling? it was dark bluish greenish and moving like waves, there was a whole line of people sitting on it, it was pretty dark and suddenly the whole thing started ripping out of the walls, the ceiling started collapsing and i was screaming for everyone to run. there was asbestos in the buidling materials so i was trying not to breathe i think. and then i was outside on the side of the church where we used to leave after sunday school and i was washing my hands or something maybe? and when i squeezed the soap through my hands it came out saying "Fuck you" and i was asking someone about it because i thought it was from the devil or something. there was something with a cloth diaper too. it was sunny.

there was another part where i was riding in a car with someone and trying to smoke out of a huge bong, i could see the green weed smoldering in the bowl, but it was blowing out because we were moving. we pulled up in front of a building downtown somewhere.

there was another part where i was at a dance at scott, i think there were old people there from middle school maybe? but i can't remember who now. grizzo and i got in a fight and we were screaming at eachother and physically fighting with eachother, we were running after eachother and i took of my shoe to throw at him or hit him or something.

night of 9/19/11

2011-09-19T22:31:00.000-07:00

there was a part where i was wrapping up a package to send to carlos. there was a navy blue pair of underwear that i didn't want to send because i thought it might be embarassing that he left them or something. i cant remember what else was in it. there was another part where i was in a school and i was trying to figure out which class i was supposed to be in, i walked by classrooms for different ages including one for young kids...there was something about colors purple and blue maybe. there were schedules written on the wall, for example if you have id cards number blank through number blank you are in this class at this time. but i realized i didn't have my id card (acu id card) and i needed to go get a new one. i wandered into one classroom and there were stacks of magazines on a desk in front and i started looking through them, there were cracked out pictures, people with more than one nipple on each boob, lined up on top of eachother, a baby that was all squished in the fetal position but then when it opened its legs it had this huge glowing alien hole in it. there was another part where kids were skiing down a hill onto a wooden floor, it was a part of acu or something.

the other night i had a dream that coach ftb was showing me around her house. her house was actually a castle built right on the edge of a body of water. as we walked i noticed random bras and panties (ugly grandma ones) hanging in the little spots of sunlight that filtered down through the tall walls. she brought me to my room, and on my bed was cleaning stuff. detergent maybe, the little packet kind? i think it was one of those chair beds, all i know is it was stacked with cleaning stuff. the wall had a bookshelf from floor to ceiling, you could slide the shelves like a sliding closet door and they overlapped eathother. the other side of the room was painted in a "hippie" theme with peace and love and bright colors and flowers and stuff. it was like a little girls room. there were people painted too. there was a loft with life size sculptures of all the characters and a scene from baby blues. they were made of paper mache or cardboard or something, painted and colorful. i wondered in my dream if they had been part of some exhibit, or why someone would go to all the trouble to create them.

night of 1/21/11

2011-01-22T15:56:00.000-08:00

i knooow i had like a zillion crazy dreams last night but right now all i can remember is that there were two seperate times, where right before i woke up micah sirek had given me a kiss. There was also a part where bryan and i were having sex or something, he was all wrapped around me and squishing me and i was screaming at him to get off because of the baby, i was poking and scratching and hitting him but he wouldn't listen. annnd that's all i can remember for now.

night of 1/20/11

2011-01-22T15:18:00.000-08:00

i know i woke up a few times during the night so i had lots of crazy dreams but i can't remember too much...i do remember a part where i was at lincoln lutheran and someone had flushed my gym clothes down the toilet in the hs locker room. i came in and saw them and started bawling because apparently i had been bullied or something and it was the final straw. i made my way to blank's office in tears and i know i walked by a few people outside the office but i'm not sure who, i remember seeing him but i don't know if i actually went in or not. at some point i went back to the locker room and fished my clothes out of the toilet hole, for some reason they had blood all over them.

There was another part where i was at Grandma's house...again....and LeAnn was being terrible to everyone there. She kept screaming like a mad woman at people for no reason, at one point she literally got in Beckie's face and screamed at her for setting the wrong drinks on the table...i walked over and realized the she had simply reversed a beer and a tomato juice and a cup of coffee or something...they were right next to eachother but at the wrong spot (at the end of the table facing the kitchen). She had yelled at someone else too, finally i screamed at her to stop it or something. i think my mom or dad or both were sitting on the couch

night of 1/19

2011-01-20T10:00:00.000-08:00

i feel like i woke up a few times last night, but i can't remember for sure. I know i looked at my phone at 6am, my dad was outside scooping the driveway and i think i must have heard him. At some point i was having a super scary dream, i feel like i may have woken up startled and gasping for breath...but i don't know if that really happened or if i just felt that way in the dream.

There was one part where i was over at caroll's house, or maybe michelle's or something (i didn't recognize the place) and we were having dinner and i asked if my brother could come but when i called him he asked if adrian could come too. i hadn't eaten anything yet but i sat there and watched as they finished almost all of the chicken, and stared at me without giving my brother permission to come, so finally i was like well i don't want to eat all of your food (even though i hadn't eaten any) so i guess i'll leave. First i stayed and helped them put away the dishes. I think caroll was helping too but i don't think we talked.

i can't remember very much, maybe i'll remember more later. i know there was a random part where my grandma duncan walked in, she had stopped by our house on her way from somewhere i think, i think her hair was wet because she had taken a shower.

night of 1/18/11

2011-01-20T09:49:00.000-08:00

I know there was definitely a part where i was at Grandma and Grandpa's house, i can't remember who was all there but Brittany was...and there was another part where i was walking with someone (beckie?) through suburban neighborhoods, and finally we came to a house on the corner, carrie and terry's, and i think carrie came outside. Then i was in a van or something with another mom driving kids to school, and we figured out that there was a main street running close by that would take us straight there or something? i can't remember much, i know there more details, possibly even street names.

The final part i remember right before i woke up was a scene in "Grandma and Grandpa's basement" (it wasn't really) but there was a pool table. I was there with Adam Sandler, and each of us had a cylendar glass with drinks in them, i think they were clear. Suddenly our faces were very close and we started kissing, and i remember moving the drinks over on the pool table so we wouldn't knock them over. I could tell in my dream that i was drunk, everything was all blurry as i was kissing him. He was doing this little circle tongue thing and i was giggling and doing it back. It was all very sensual, he ran his fingers over one of my boobs and in my dream i was like omg that felt amazing because i don't have a bra on, only a shirt, and also dang another guy that has to get used to my tiny boobs. Pretty soon he had a boner and he positioned himself so that he could ram it into my leg...i woke up in my dream and i woke up at a desk in a classroom and all the kids were laughing. There was a christmas tree right next to my desk with drawn pictures on it of the things that were happening in my dream with adam, i don't know if i drew them or if i was talking in my sleep and the kids drew them. Adam was standing in front of my desk, he was the teacher.

night of 1/17/11

2011-01-18T10:04:00.000-08:00

so my dream started with alli, lisa, and i going on a shopping trip to yonkers. without saying, we all made our way toward the baby section. in my dream i was only looking at little boy things, but then i was like this is silly. the doctor hasn't told me for sure that its a boy! lisa and alli were over looking at a rack of pastel stuffed puppies. at one point i accidentally wandered into a whole aisle of teddy bear clothes, and i was like yikes and a couple mexican men were walking by and i was embarrassed that they saw me in the baby-rather bear clothes section. i spend too long looking at clothes, i wandered over to a table full of childrens books that were all on sale for 2 or 3 dollars (the clothes were all on sale for like 75% off too) i was flipping through one that looked like it could be for boys. Then there was some raffle drawing going on. A man had a big basket full of plastic eggs and he would draw one out and call a number and someone would win something...i'm not even sure what. but he had a microphone and he was located not far from the baby section. he did one drawing and then it was time for another, honestly i'm not even sure how the drawing worked-did people keep the slip of paper and return the empty egg? or did they just look at their number and put the egg with the paper back? anyway there were lots of people hanging around to be a part of it. at one point i remember him drawing a red egg.

Then somehow i think we may have taken a buss or something to nashville? except i feel like we were in kentucky...but lisa and alli were there, i think it may have been a class trip. for some reason i hadn't brought my phone or money so i was going to try to stick close to them. we started wandering around the street, and of course we got seperated. i went into a souvenir shop dedicated entirely to elvis...but of the merchandise, mostly tshirts and things, were marked with some kind of logo like "eking" or something...and it took me a second to figure out what it meant. i think my mom was there on the trip too somehow. i must have met up with lisa and alli again for a moment because we went somewhere to get food, but of course i didn't have money so lisa was going to cover me. but she just bought me a giant frozen dr pepper or something and i was like lisa, i'm hungry i need food! she had just gotten a drink too.

i can't remember if this happened next or not but somehow it was night and i had lost my shoes and i was walking around barefoot. i ended up at a nasty ass bar and there were people hanging around outside, one girl was sitting on this giant red barrel thing that was just a giant hole in the ground and she was sitting there peeing in the middle of the parking lot as though it were an enclosed outhouse, it was super loud too because the hole must have been so deep. my feet were terribly dirty and smudged and i got a tiny piece of glass in my toe so i propped my foot up on the handle of a giant dumpster next to the building and was trying to pick it out but i kept picking at the wrong spot. suddenly a black (or black and white?) cat jumped from behind the dumpster and attacked my arm. at first i was worried i'd get rabies or something, but i think i was wearing a leather jacket or something and he didn't break the skin. so finally i went inside, even though i didn't have shoes (no shoes was the reason i was hanging out in front in the first place) somehow i think i had my id, and i might have even had my wallet at this point, actually i know i did because it was full of strange looking bills. on one side they looked like regular u.s. dollars but the other they had a picture of something in the center in a variety of colors and the rest of the space was rather plain. a girl offered to split a pitcher of margaritas with me, the lady showed us that each pitcher contained 4 servings, or 2 servings each of their smaller sized drink serving glasses. the price was eight dollars or something but i gave the girl 3 dollar bills. at some point i showed her that i didn't have shoes on and she and her friends (1 or 2 others) thought it was funny. we went to a back room...it was pretty small, covered in red velvet carpet on the floors walls chairs, i think. we sat down and there were a few other groups of friends gathered around a large table that lined the center of the room. i can't remember for sure but i think the girls friends were pretty drunk, or something because they were acting pretty out of it. i can't even remember if we poured the margaritas or not, i think people may have been smoking cigarettes...and then i looked over and realized that the people next to us had a mirror and a little card or something and were snorting lines of something off of it. immediately i thought cocaine and i started getting more freaked out about where i was and how trashy and skanky it was. for some reason i remember a red lipstick kiss somewhere, and it was crazy because there was some sort of bar tender or employee at least in the back room and she was standing there totally aware that people were snorting coke and she didn't seem to care. i dont' remember how or when i left.

right before i woke up, i was dreaming that i was going to tell alli about my dreams? but i was like mine will take longer so you go first, and i can't remember if it was a dream or if it really happened, but she was playing a song for me that greg had written for her. it sounded really cool in the beginning, probably more like pringle (maybe because i listened to h&g yesterday?) but anyway i think it was some sort of song trying to get her back.

night of 1/16/11

2011-01-18T09:55:00.000-08:00

The main part i remember is that Rolando showed up. I don't know where i was or what i was doing but he walked in and handed me a picture that he had printed off the computer (for some reason i feel like it was the computer lab at acu) and i could tell that he had tried to print it a few times to get it the right size and in color because it was printed on the back too. When he handed me the picture he said "i thought you'd like to see this". It was a picture of us sitting next to eachother, and as i looked closer i realized that i had a quarter sized sore on my chest...maybe on the right (my right) side? Kelly was there with him, she was waiting quietly outside the door to the computer lab or wherever we were. He and i talked a bit, i think i asked him something about their relationship and he said they were getting married, and i was like oh so it's for sure then? It was weird because i don't think i had feelings for him in my dream, yet it was like i was asking if there was still any chance for us i guess? And i don't think i told him but i was thinking about telling him that i'm pregnant.

A few weeks ago i had another dream with him in it, the only part i remember is that our faces were super close, it was a long drawn out sensual moment as though we were about to kiss.

night of 1/15/11 & afternoon 1/16/11

2011-01-16T13:34:00.000-08:00

so i just woke up from a really cool dream. at the very end i was flipping through a book of illustrations i had done, and then i was looking at some web site or resume listing books i had read about wine labels, and wine etiquette, i guess i had decided to become an illustrator for wine labels! The book of illustrations began with me drawing a picture of an eagle, except it wasn't just soaring, it was taking off or something in a really compact position. then i think i was drawing a person with eagle wings, then a young girl standing on the beach with legs going across the entire page. and then i thought of including hoof prints in the sand to where she was standing (minus the extra legs) to show that she had gone through some sort of transformation or something. there was one of pregnant bellies, two of them maybe coming from one side of the page to the other...they were done in deep purples and reds, watercolor. There was another with a purple and red background and yellow or tannish colored circles (smaller sized dots) and in a circular pattern all over the page were some sort of chocolates, some circular, some piece of pie shaped, some log shaped, each with a sliver of white showing because they were marshmallow. There was also a more abstract picture that was divided into two parts, a top and a bottom, as though the view through a window the background was yellow (hazy looking as though it was done in the spray acrylic method) and there was a white sillouhette of a person looking out a window? and then some shapes that for some reason looked like one of those little mobiles that hangs over a crib. but i was thinking about adding little arms to the mobile to make it more clear what it was. i can't remember if there were anymore...it was pretty sweet though. In my dream i was flipping through them, critiquing them in my head.

Eagles
To see an eagle in your dream, symbolizes nobility, pride, fierceness, freedom, superiority, courage, and powerful intellectual ability. It also represents self-renewal and your connection with your spirituality. You will struggle fiercely and courageously to realize your highest ambitions and greatest desires.�Alternatively, if you live in the United States, then the national bird could represent your patriotism and devotion to country. If you see a nest of young eagles, then it represents your achievements and your climb to the top of the social ladder.�
Purple
Purple is indicative of devotion, healing abilities, loving, kindness, and compassion.�It is also the color of royalty, high rank, justice, wealth and dignity.

before that in the dream it was like a reality show about a lady truck driver, a couple that decided to travel or something. she was going back to school? he was in the army? all i know is there was a part where she was talking about her truck getting "Floated" and i had no idea what that meant, but then they showed that on some snowy road somewhere in nebraska she had tried to get around some interstate over pass and suddenly came out in front of lanes of traffic passing perpendicularly under the bridge, except i think the thing she actually hit were a couple of porta potties that had been placed there because there was a marathon going on. So then a few ladies were going around knocking on the doors of the porta potties to find out if the people inside were okay, because of course they had just gotten plowed over by a semi...and there was a part where the lady was crying, she had really long eyelashes, and she was finally admitting that her husband's alcholism was a problem because sometimes it made him late for work...and then she was getting around to saying that it made him difficult to deal with in their relationship.

Semi Truck
To see a semi truck in your dream, indicates that you are feeling overburdened or that you are being taken advantage of. You feel that you are pulling more than your own weight and it is time that others share in some of the responsibilities. Alternatively, the dream symbolizes size, largeness and power.
Porta Potty
To see or use a porta potty in your dream, indicates that you need to express your feelings more openly. Don't hold back your emotions. You need to let yourself go.

And last night my dreams were very detailed and real, but not necessarily realistic. There was a part where i was in a classroom with a whole bunch of middle aged kids, and lisa was there too, we were observing or something. The teacher was trying to explain something and lisa interrupted and started talking (related to lisa trying to defend me when we got pulled over) and i was like oh my...there was a kid with a little bag with colored pencils in it, and a girl with another pencil bag with something else and i was trying to hand them out to them and say the right things and make a good impression. i was sitting in between two kids at a table, we didn't have very much room, and i think lisa was next to one of the kids that was next to me.

There was another part where i was in an ice cream shop. it was supposed to be some sort of old fashioned ice cream parlor or something because they didn't serve any ice cream with chocolate? I was reading a menu with descriptions of the crazy concoctions and there was one that resembled a landfill and its purpose was to teach about the danger of being wasteful? or the importance of recycling? or something...there was another presentation that counted as a motion picture...there were scenes from a movie. i can't remember the rest but i know that each ice cream sundae had lots of fruity candy and colorful colors involved. * i forgot to mention the other day a very interesting aspect of this dream, there was a part where i was sitting in the ice cream shop at a row of tables against the wall (where i was sitting reading the menu) and there was a little boy with blonde hair and blue eyes, probably 2 or 3 years old, a few tables down and i was sat there watching him for a few minutes and i got tears in my eyes. i don't know if he was mine or not, but it was very moving just to watch him, i can't even remember what he was doing-just standing on a chair behind the table? the whole setting of that ice cream shop was all hazy and romantisized...like an old fashioned scene from a baseball movie.

There was also a part that took place in a skyscraper somewhere, i can't remember much...alli was trying to hook up with some guy or something. (she texted me last night?) There was a part where someone fell/jumped off a roof and i was looking over the side to see if their knees where all crumpled and broken. (maybe related to the scene from one of the csi type shows i've watched lately?)

Here is one more part i forgot! i can't remember if it was last night or this afternoon, but i dreamt that i had eaten meat that was like pork tenderloin, except i found out it was wolf meat, and in my dream i thought to myself the wolf will always be one of my power animals...except the wolf is grizzo's power animal...hm

2010-07-31T11:33:00.001-07:00

after i woke up around 10 this morning i went back to sleep and had a dream that i was driving grizzo around in lincoln maybe? and i was like ooo lets see whats up here and we started driving on this sunlit green grassy path between trees and there were things around us but i can't remember what and people walking. i think it was at pioneers park. and for some reason carlos was there i think. and the pathway was the same as the crack next to my bed and then i was reaching over the side of my bed with the mattress pulled out making sure nothing had fallen into the crack and then i was trying to make my bed but there were 4 layers, a blanket sheet comforter and something else or whatever, and i couldn't get them all to line up.

Bed

This is one of the most valued pieces of furniture. It's where we sleep, rest, restore our minds and bodies and engage in sexual pleasure. The bed is symbolic of all of these things. The bed could also symbolize the bridge between the conscious and the unconscious (i.e.our daily lives and the great unknown, our spirit and our psychological undercurrent). The quality and the cleanliness of the bed in our dreams, may say something about the way we feel about ourselves and our relationships. In reality we "make our own bed," so the dream may reflect that bed and remind us that we have to either change it or lie in it. If there were things hiding under the bed in your dream, it may symbolize secrets that you or others are keeping.

For a woman to dream of making a bed, signifies a new lover and pleasant occupation.

Four

Four denotes stability, physical limitations, hard labor and earthly things, as in the four corners of the earth. It also stands for materialistic matters. You get things done.

Last night when i came home and took a nap i had a dream that me and Grizzo were about to get it on in my room. we both had most of our clothes on i think but i was on top of him. we were kissing in a frenzy because it had been so long since we had seen each other, my vision was blurry because i was so overcome with feelings. then i was trying to get my door to close, and lock but i realized my parents were downstairs and would hear us in my room and that would be the most terrible thing that could have happened.

2010-07-03T13:39:00.000-07:00

night of July 2nd

i don't remember much...i think there was a part where i was watching the clouds move quickly through the sky...i feel like i was really close to them they were heading directly towards eachother

another part i had just gotten out of the shower and was wrapped in a towel nick perkins was next to grizzo and i went and layed down next to grizzo and snuggled with him

something about gabby and basketball camp on friday night

woo exciting

Night of 6/25/10

2010-06-26T10:24:00.000-07:00

i can only remember little blips...there was a part where alli lisa and i were riding in a car? a motorcycle? something...and it was dusk or maybe night and alli was talking about this road in ohio, i think, that's made of garage doors. there was a part where i was at grizzo and jareds...except it was a totally different house and it was unlivable. there was a back room with a pile of cat shit on the floor under this mattress thing and there was some kind of syringe/needle on the floor that i picked up and threw in the trash. i'm pretty sure there was a part where he asked me to come lay in his bed with him...except it was a different room and a different bed, but i climbed in on my side and tried to put my leg over his like i used to. i remember looking down and my leg looked big and fat and his looked small.

there was another part where i was trying to get ready to go on stage to sing or something, i think i was in a big stadium, maybe soldier field, but i wasn't insde i was in the outer ring part. i was looking in a mirror trying to put on this sweater and a jacket and they were big and bulky and i couldn't get them right and all the sudden carlos came walking up and helped me...he helped with my outfit and gave me a tip on...getting ready? i can't remember but i jumped on the front of him and he was carrying me around...i was aware of carrol in my dream.

i feel like there was more but i can't remember...